June 18, 2024

Sports Enthusiast

Professional Sports Purveyors

How to Rename Your Fantasy Baseball Team to Get a Second Half Boost

Does your fantasy baseball team stink up your league? Are you reading this for a friend whose team is stinking it up?

There is good news for you: you can simply rename your fantasy baseball team and get a second half boost! I’ll give you not 3, not 5, but 7 renaming categories that are guaranteed to give your team a second half boost.

That’s not all. I’ll give you two example team names per category. Plus I’ll tell you one more thing: honeybees have hair on their eyes.

Let’s get started.

  • Self deprecating. Just kick your team while it’s down. Mock your team, make it feel awful about itself, and make sure it knows you’re disappointed. Rename your team with a name so full of forlorn hopelessness that it’s guaranteed to hit rock bottom. And there is only one way to go when you’ve hit the bottom! Jackpot. Examples: Subterranean Sewer Dwellers, Cleat Clogs.
  • Bravado. Or… you could take the opposite approach! After all, it’s not your fault your team is in the toilet. Let the other fantasy owners know that you aren’t out of it yet. Rename your team with a name to is so abundantly overflowing with confidence that you can’t help but win fantasy baseball gold. Examples: Shooting Stars, Big Baseballs of Destiny.
  • Hipster Indifference. Whatever man. Why should you even care about a name? You have a new pair of vans. You don’t even need those glasses, they’re just for show. Rename your fantasy baseball team or not. You don’t care. Examples: Vonnegut’s Van Riders, Bon Iver.
  • Philosophical. What does it really mean to win anyway? Take time to truly ponder the meaning of the name you place upon your team. Wait. Or maybe there is no team… Is it life that imitates fantasy baseball or does fantasy baseball imitate life? Examples: Aardsma Shrugged, Cooperstown Confusians.
  • Crazy. YOU CAME TO PLAY IN THIS FANTASY BASEBALL LEAGUE!!!! “Wooo! I’d slap all you owners in the face, but god already beat me to it! John Rocker!” The other owners better recognize that you’ve lost your mind. They better fear you, ’cause you’re gonna go ape crazy if you lose this league. Examples: Maggot Mashers, Funny Vampire Bunny Runs.
  • Childlike Optimism. Follow your heart and name your team after your childhood baseball hero. Because he’ll always come through for you! While you are naming your team after your puppy, go ahead and put a saddle on that unicorn and ride that rainbow. Isn’t fantasy baseball awesome, you guys?!? Examples: Angels With Attitude, Awesome Blossoms.
  • Thoughtless. If you’re bringing up the rear you obviously haven’t thought much about your fantasy baseball team, so why start now. Just rename it whatever. Go with Team [Insert Last Here]. That team name got you 12th place last year, so why mess with a good thing. Examples: The [Random Plural Noun], [Same as your fantasy football team].

There. you have it. I purposely left out the Dirty Sports Pun as a category. Really, don’t we have enough of those? Sure, they impress your buddies, but do you know who they don’t impress? Ladies.

Anyway, if these fantasy baseball team name ideas don’t give you a second half boost, I don’t know what will.